You may have noticed something a little different on my Instagram account this week. Yup, that’s right I have finally taken the plunge and changed my name to @IsaRobinson_

Goodbye, Goodness Guru and hello Isa. (pronounced ISAbella, without the bella bit, not like the cash Isa). I’ve been meaning to clear that up for quite a while 😉

I have to say that it feels a little bittersweet saying goodbye to Goodness. She has been my alter ego and in many ways a big part of my identity the last few years, including the theme of my 21st birthday (Goodness goes bad) and a kind of nickname which I’ve grown fond of.

P.s. there is no black and white good or bad, it was just a punchy turn of phrase.

So why the change? 

Well, the name I came up with at 19 no longer feels like the right fit for the message I wish to share going forward. I’ve spoken before about how when I started my blog back in 2013 it began as a ‘healthy” eating account. I was impressionable to the growing wellness culture around me and I was also just finding my way out of a toxic eating disorder.

In hindsight, this new hobbie for pursuing a “healthy” lifestyle could have taken a turn for the worse. Thankfully, however, my desire to get fully stuck into student life at the University of Edinburgh where I had just completed my first year meant I wasn’t swapping the tequila shots for wheatgrass anytime soon. Freshers had given me my first taste of freedom and fun post my anorexia and reflecting back on it, these experiences were shaping my desire for something more free and liberating than the new rulebook wellness was offering.

Leaving university in 2016, 4 years later, and feeling like I had shed the lingering remnants of the eating disorder that once consumed me, I no longer felt wholly connected to my Instagram account and its message. Sure I posted pictures of appetizing and mostly nutritious food, but it was only one side of a much bigger story. I no longer really saw the point. I didn’t associate myself with wellness and I found lifestyle blogging didn’t suit me. I was awkward and didn’t like sharing the ins and outs of my everyday personal life. I was close to deleting the whole thing.

It was only several months after leaving uni that I had the courage the speak up about my previous experience of anorexia and its associated horrors. When I first went to Edinburgh I was adamant no one knew about my past. I didn’t want to be judged or watched and I wanted the freedom to start again and enjoy my life. Leaving, however, I began to see the value in sharing my story regardless of the stereotype I fulfilled. Whilst I truly believe we desperately need a greater diversity of individuals to give their accounts of the lived experience of eating disorders to fully understand the complexities, everyone’s experience is valid and sharing stories is a powerful means to raise awareness and reduce stigma.

Now, about to embark on the final year of my masters in Eating Disorders and clinical nutrition at UCL, I feel once again connected to my Instagram account. I know why I post daily –  because I want to help people develop a healthier relationship with food and their bodies so they can free up meaningful space to include other things in their lives, albeit relationships, hobbies, travel, career pursuits or just the general sense of freedom and zest for life that I am thankful recovery has given me.

I know first hand what it is like to experience an eating disorder and how difficult, lonely, isolating and all-encompassing it can be. I want to let you know that you are so brave and that recovery is possible for you. Through this platform, I hope to share some tools that have helped me, as well as things I’m still learning and a bit of the academic literature too. I want to make people aware that they don’t have to be ashamed or struggle on alone. An eating disorder doesn’t define you, you do.

This recovery orientated message seems worlds away from the green pancakes I used to make with spirulina way back when (ewwwwww). I feel as though now Goodness Guru sounds too “wellnessy”, and whilst I am in no ways anti-health, I am against any movement which cultivates unnecessary fears towards food based on poor information, a movement which is perpetuating an environment which allows disordered eating and eating disorders to develop and thrive.

As I start uni in a few weeks, September is still very much the beginning of a new year for me and so in looking to the year ahead, I have decided to make this change.

I am ready to step into my own name, hopefully helping to keep a clear and consistent message. I hope it’s not too difficult to get used too and look forward to sharing the same content in the upcoming months.

Love Isa xx

P.s. Twitter, Facebook and blog still the same for now as still need to work out switching all that over.

Instagram @goodnessguru